so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
