we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
