glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
