So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
