what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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