you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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