Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
