No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize