the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Randomize
