yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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