just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
