I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
