Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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