i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
whose parrot is this?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
