New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize