i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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