dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
