Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
