I cockslap morals
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
