shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize