Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
