Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
