He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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