Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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