my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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