I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
