lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
