just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
