some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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