at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
