I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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