we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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