He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
