Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
