I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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