i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Welp...herpes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
