he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
