Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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