Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
