It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
