proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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