Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
