My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize