The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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