just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
