is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
