Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
