just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
