I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
