Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
