i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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