no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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