I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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