Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
