You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
