So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
