Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
