Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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