he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize