i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
