take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
