something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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