Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
