I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
