if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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