YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize