Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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