I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
