brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
