i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
