quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
