Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize