apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
