her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
