I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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