adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
