i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
