I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
