So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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