I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize