it wasn't lemon gatorade
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
