Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize