need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
