my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
