After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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