Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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