Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
