i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
