"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
