trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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