When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
