Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize