Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
