We won't sleep together?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
