this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
