I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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