ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
