Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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