the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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