Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize