We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize