this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
pop tarts are not kleenex
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
