So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
