I can't watch pbs sober anymore
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
