oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
