So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
