I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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