what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
