how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
