Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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