Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
