i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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