No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
