it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
