Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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