So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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