Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
