Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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