Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize