I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hippo gnu deer
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
