Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you didnt know i had herpes?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
